CH-ch-change…I think.

Today I came to the realization that I’ve been craving change.  I’ve been looking at changing my office, selling my house, moving from upstairs to downstairs, buying a new car, taking guitar lessons, and even tossing the guys I’m dating back into the pond and fishing for some new ones.  Just because I’m antsy. Just because I’m bored with what is the current iteration of my world.

Why?  I’m not sure.

One thing that comes to mind is that I’ve been in my current house for four years and that’s the longest I’ve lived in one place since I got married and moved to California when I was twenty-one.  During the interim twenty-odd years, I’ve moved something like twenty times.
No, I’m not kidding.

Between the Ex being in the Marine Corps and then with IBM (which I’m convinced stands for I’ve Been Moved) and crawling up the corporate ladder, we relocated…a lot.
There were times that moving was a huge pain in the patootie.  But, there was also a silver lining to moving, and it wasn’t just that my closets got cleaned out once a year for almost fifteen years.

No, it was that when you move from one city to another, you get a clean slate.  All the crap that is your life in one place disappears overnight and you’re left standing in a completely new city with no history, no work ToDo list full of stuff you haven’t gotten to,and a completely fresh start.  Although it was a little scary the first couple of times, after a few years, I have to admit that I secretly looked forward to moving.  That feeling of being liberated from whatever job I hated, apartment/house that I didn’t really like, mother’s at the day care/school that annoyed me, and a city that I hadn’t fallen in love with, was heady stuff.

In a way, I could be reborn in a new city.  The possibilities of what I could do were endless.  Okay, I still had to bring in a paycheck, but how I was going to do that, where I was going to work, that would all be new.  I was at a point where change could be made.  And that people, was as exciting as Christmas morning to me.  Even the annoyance of finding a new place to live, a new school/day care, a new doctor, dentist, grocery store, etc, etc.  Was sort of…fun.

So, now, I’ve been in the same place with the same people for four years.  A record for me.  And I’m antsy.  For change, for something new, for…well, I don’t know what exactly, but something.  Something that’s not what I’ve got and where I am now.  Something new and fresh and shiny.  A new challenge, a new place to live, a new car to drive, a new place to stop for my morning tea.  Maybe all of the above.

I’m also wondering if this is more of that pregnancy in reverse thing I was talking about a few weeks ago.  Maybe the antsy-ness that I’m feeling is nothing more than the need to nest, but for me this time.  Or, maybe it’s just plain old boredom and all I need is a few days at the beach to recharge.

But, I don’t think so.  The urge for change, the need for something different than what I’m doing everyday is becoming almost overpowering.  Which means I need to sit down someplace quite and formulate a plan because otherwise I’m libel to accidentally Tower my life, and that would be bad.  But I can feel it, the need for change, and also the pressure to change.  It’s almost like a hitch in the barometric pressure in the air around me.  There’s a feeling of a storm moving in and I can tell by the way the wind is blowing that if I don’t start making preparations, it could be a storm that takes me a while to recover from.

I’ll keep you posted.